It is my hope that you all have a friend that you admire. You better than you know yourself and accepts, loves and comforts you in times of need, a friend that just a good person just knowing them. Talking with them regardless of the struggles either of them are experiencing in life brightens your day.
I want each of you to know what an extraordinary woman my friend was, yet I struggle for the luck in my throat and tears in my eyes searching for the words to tell you.
I begin after our trip in August, 2009 this article that will be in draft form for many months as I try to convey what this beautiful individual has brought to my life.
I was the first of many friends to travel to Pensacola, I am transporting her to therapy, accompanied her on doctor appointments, cooked a variety of foods trying to find something that did not taste metallic and After several weeks I need to return to North Carolina as my very understanding husband was running my online business, working and caring for our dogs and house alone.
I was experiencing first hand being a part. I was experiencing a lot of friends. of her household on several occasions between downsizing homes and job transfers and as a result feel part of the family as many others would not express as well.
"The Lady of Many Hats" is a title she gave herself because over the years she remodeled several homes, landscaped yards, quilted, sewn, cooked, decorated, organized vacations, family gatherings, open houses, golf tournaments, ski vacations, raised her She made my drapes and valances while visiting me in CA on my pitiful excuse of sewing machine , accompanied me on an unpleasant trip back to CA on a legal matter, and always fresh jar of homemade salsa upon her arrival to my home or an embroidered golf or kitchen towel that she had just completed as a gift.
Her oldest son and mine became friends while attending Okton High School in Virginia while playing on the lacrosse team there.. We was my my first meeting was loading the boys into her van to go to lacrosse camp in Chapel Hill on a hot Sunday afternoon. Her son went on. I am afraid of my friendship progressed from there, but my mother and her parents met a few years later when the boys graduated high school and she invited us all for dinner. college visits with us and chose the college he would attend and graduate from on one of those trips.
When I transferred to CA I met her, a cousin and parents at Yosemite for a few days. Neither of her parents where in good health by this time and a couple years later they were passed away within a week of one another which always made me glad We had the time together and the memory of the lovely park.
In August, 2009, my husband, one remaining corgi and I drve to Pensacola together after I met his plane from what has his permanent job location in Fort Greely, Alaska since September 2007. We knew the heat of the Florida summer would be likely difficult for him to endure,, I wanted to visit and see my friend for what I felt maybe the last time. my oldest son, wife and 2 years old son stayed overnight on each way to visit her and there had been a steady stream to visitors since early summer.
We found her in good spirits and making a quilt for her youngest son & # 39; s high school friends new baby, typing on the recipe books for her boys and working on their albums.
My husband took golf lessons, we went to dinner and a concert on the beach as well as a community theater production of high school Musical to celebrate both her husband and my birthday that huge planned. My husband and I attended the Blue Angels practice while she kept her doctor visits and therapy schedule.
We had her tiredness was coming from the chemo after missing a dose one night and seeing the old personality and humor show through the following day without having it in her system.
Her husband was very concerned about being able to be on convince her that she would be able to make a planned trip to Alaska on September 6th. She was freezing at She was freezing at She was freezing at She was freezing at her husband had experienced and my husband 93 degrees and it did not take much to make her realize that it was not a good idea to try such a trip at this time.
A month following our visit when I was spoken to the breathing was very labored, the chemo has been stopped and she has already completed seven days of antibiotic for what they thought at the time was an infection. painful for her to talk on the phone and her son told me that that web cam showed her laboring with her breathing as well.
Both sons are spending the weekend with their Mother and Father, just the four of them as a family.
A neighbor express that she felt that reason she has been left she is continued through this whole ordinary to be more concerned with her though condition. with us these past two years, "like an angel to be an example for the rest of us" and my husband states he thinks, "she sure set the bar high for the rest of us."
She called on Friday evening while awaiting the son 's flight, threading the embroidery machine and working on the youngest son & # 39; s Christmas quilt. She says she has been printing the recipes and the program prints nine copies instead of three for Some reason. I am afraid that I am afraid that I am afraid that I am afraid that I am aware of this Christmas tree. She reminds me to add lemon to my water as she knows I often neglect drinking as much as I should.
"We are longer speak of our planned" Thelma and Louise "trip in her convertible across the country or upcoming visits. the stay I have dreaded for almost two years.
"Fruit," I say to myself, "fruit, I send fruit!"
I think back to the week before the oldest son 's wedding being snowed at the mountain house for a week outside of DC, going to lacrosse games with her wearing her safari hat, all the little side trips to fabric, furniture, There must be something more than I can do, but what? I need her .... and I send fruit! There must be something more I can do, but what? See? # 39; s Candy? Flowers?
Whatever will I do not her there? She is my best friend and in many ways closer than family. We have known each other for over 20 years now.
If I tell her how much she is to me I am admitting that I know that the end is near. I know, we & # 39; ll have to get together soon. "
Meanwhile I write and rewrite as I remember the good times and try to get this tribute just right because anything less is not good enough.
She knows I am very much aware of the situation, is not that addictive, is not say "is not that addictive" and catch myself before blurting it out. She knows I am very much aware of the situation, but neither of us is possible to talk about it.
I call her husband & # 39; s cell phone to learn that he has contacted Hospice at the end of October and is expecting a call back afternoon. I ask if he knows what dates the boys are coming and he says November 17th and I tell him I would like to send ham and turkey to make sandwiches while they decorate the house for Christmas.
It is November 10th and I receive an email from her husband titled "The Love of My Life" stating that the latest PET / CT scan is showing the rightly 25%. Hospice had immediately started her on oxygen the week Before none the last time until the Hospice nursing and the happiness is being told by the Hospice nurse that he is know when it is time and that the estimate is that she may not last until Thanksgiving.
Are my tears coming from selfishness? Yes, they must have since I do not want her to continue suffering and struggling with a disease that has consumed her and limits her from enjoying the full life she has had.
I was not rich person indeed with many friends. I tried to convince myself to write to her to tell her inside I know she knows.
Without this fight she would have never known her two year old grandson or one year old granddaughter. My friend died November 28, 2009 after over a two and a half year struggle.
It is now October 7, 2010 and I have again gone over this writing to make all the verbs past tense. As I think of past tense I think of how strange that is since her being with me is and will always part of my everyday life.
The "lady of many hats" has a few more titles to add to her collection now, "Cancer Warrior", "Best Friend", and most of all, "God & # 39; s Child.
