There is solutions for healthy eating afterwards. Be advised. This content is shocking.
Breakfast:
You start your day with one cake, and two lemon filled stale Krispy Cream donuts you bought from Kroger over the weekend and only one can diet coke instead of three. You can not really enjoy the sweet stuff with out the salt so you convince your 297 You tell her to a bag too, your treat. You secretly feel sorry for Betty. You only weighed 135 pounds this morning wet and naked because you drink diet Coke and you have not had any kids yet.
Lunch:
Checkers for lunch because they are a dollar and they are almost as thick as the patties you are at home. During your lunch break you remember a sale they had at CVS so you go there to pick up three family sized bags of Peanut M & Ms. This will hold you for three or four days if you hide them in the back of the file cabinet drawer closest to the floor so your greedy disrespectful co-workers will not find and eat them without your permission. Plus, M & M & # 39; s seem to make your day go by fun you are more productive. You always eat them trying to eat the candy covered shell away from the chocolate covered nut and then sucking The chocolate off without splitting the nut. It is kind of like listening to good food when you have to clean up the house after sloppy people. Anyways, by the end of the day you have eaten all three bag of the M & M ; s but you do not feel that bad about it because you shared almo st half of them with junk food Betty and they were on sale.
Afternoon Snack:
In return for your kindness and her guilty for eating the rest of your cheesecake Factory apple strudel cheesecake behind your back, Betty giving you a handful of Red Hots and half of a king sized Snickers bar but you need the salt so you go for another bag They should not be fun. They are not M Fun. They are not M Fun. They are not M Fun. They are stink but they are delicious, light and crunchy. They should be okay calorie wise too because they are really, really light and crunchy and they You down two more diet Cookies. Five minutes later You feel drugged up with a sleepy like stupor and you are still extremely thirsty so you chase a shot of Lemon Lime 5 Hour Energy Drink with another diet coke Because that five hour stuff tastes like pooh said nicely. You try to suck the phlegm from your tongue and your back to your throat and your stomach seems to be manufacturing mud monkeys for explosive release hopefully later than sooner. You hate using public toilets. You s You feel much better because it was only explosive dirrhea. You celebrate with a Canada Dry Ginger Ale and some pretzels.
Drive Home:
You instead a forty minute drive home. You are a forty minute drive. You are a little over a half a tank of gas left and they have a great selection of sinfully delicious fat boosters to choose from. God forbid your husband notices you are spending a fortune again on oodles of doodles, sweets for the cheeks, and just about a gallon sized cup of Mr. Pibb complete with a free refill when you return the car without opening the two dollar bag full of air and Cape Cod Kettle Cooked chips filled up less than half way? Of course not! You Pibb rinse chip number 10 and cheat your car out of a full tank to a total of $ 9.48 of unleaded. to stop yourself from running off the road you 5 5 Hour Energy Drink with your keg of Mr. Pibb.
Dinner:
As you reach into the pantry for the chili beans you, you grab the fistful crunch sensation without the milk. To add a bit of sophistication and a touch of sweetness to your binge attack you pour some Bailey & # 39; s Irish Cream into a glass of rocks. Your tacos are sensual but even better with a finale of cherry pie topped with vanilla bean ice cream and Hershey 's Chocolate syrup drizzled on top.
Television Time:
Bobby Cool Ranch Doritos and a paper cupcake holder of Pepperidge Farm Milanos to even the score between your sweet and salty taste buds.
You can not figure out why you earned four pounds today. You have been drinking one of caffeine free diet Coke for break three of weeks! What the heck!
The Consequences:
Your promising future holds a fatty liver, adult-injury diabetes, high blood pressure, clogged arteries, high cholesterol, gall bladder problems, cancer, kidney stones, yeast infections, urinary tract infections, colon polyps, hemorrhoids, swollen feet and legs, two super duper triceps muscles insulated with tons of fat complete with friction sensitive baby powdered thunder thighs and a budding double chin worthy of your next driver license photo opportunity.
This is what you can can eat to improve your health and improve your future quality of life.
Breakfast:
Oatmeal with almond milk, maple syrup and raisins, Apple and 16-24 ounces of water
Lunch:
Romaine and Spinach Leaf salad, with tomatoes, avocado, dried cranberries, broccoli, onions, and red bell peppers with a raspberry balsamic vinaigrette. More water.
Snack Choices:
A baggy of cashews and raisins mixed, tangerine sections, red grapes, watermelon, Tortilla chips and homemade mango salsa, or a cup of Greek yogurt topped with fresh fruit with water.
Dinner:
Garlic Pepper Broiled Salmon, baked sweet potato, sugar snaps with portabello mushrooms and onions. Homemade iced green tea with fresh lemon and local honey with more water.
Dessert:
The snack choices make great desserts.
Why Bother?
Try because you are to be around. Try because you are rather wipe your own bottom when you are eighty-five years old. Try because you do not do I am concluding these words of advice with one last crunch of a Kroger brand 100% White Corn Restaurant Style Tortilla Chip. Crunch!
