A few months ago, we were at my parents. A house preparing for a Christmas dinner when my niece is crying down the stairs because my crazy son was doing something. So, I called him and asked what happened. His answer is "Well, I think I know Jesus, do you think it will tell me the truth? He kept throwing himself under the bus.
The point that told me this is that I really struggled with the direction and approach to taking this really when I received the invitation as I say today. Through a lot of prayers, I felt that I just need to be like me. Just share my story. No, I do not have a stick. I kept thinking. You should resemble your situation to someone in the Bible, such as Alma, Sara, Hagaru. But I just felt uneasy about it. Still I called the other person to talk and made us feel the direction we should go. And do you know what she said to me? She said, "People come from all, we do not ask about Alma, we know about Alma, I want to know about you, and while writing this," Please tell me about you " An accurate word came to me, so it's funny. That is what you got. The raw, bad truth is mine. I decided not to cover the story with the sugar, just to tell you. Because ya knows Jesus, so so, he knows everything.
So, like a child, there was no reason to doubt that I would become a mother when I grew up someday. Just like most people, I was always playing with my doll. After school, weekend and summer all for a long time, babysat. I saw my sister for my parents. My mother once taught me that I served that role seriously to take over the role of her discipllinarian.
So when I was struggling with pregnancy problems at the beginning of my newlyweds, it was pretty desolated. Especially LDS - Everyone has plenty of kids and they have it pretty quickly. At this point, we have only been married for about a year, but people have begun to ask me when my husband and I hold a baby. (Like their business) These questions make me truly defensive and sometimes angry. I tried really hard to answer truly thoughtful questions, but questions from others will literally be hurt.
Well, time passed and there was no baby every year. After all it felt my body betraying me because it was my call in my life. We are told to increase the Earth and supplement it, is that so? This was a desire of justice. So it was not a problem why we can not keep it because it is hard for us to keep this commandment. We could not follow it at all!
Most of the things seemed to hurt the pain to the utmost. I like to watch the school bus pick up and get off the small ones. A commercial whose mother carries a baby. Christmas was very difficult. We will always return to Boise for vacation, but the literally baby everywhere, the kids who are watching my sisters will kill me in me. They will just start pajamas just by building a gingerbread house with Christmas Eve or pasta, or baking cookies for the kids. The holiday is really for children and for children. But we did not have anything.
Mother's Day! Oh, Mother's Day! That was the worst! Especially go to church on Mother's Day! (What I can bring myself) Regardless, you and the young people gave plants and candy bars, whatever the gift, there was always this annoying moment. "Do you have flowers? Please give flowers to her? For me," Do I take plants, do I have plants?
It looked honest with what I saw, I remembered the painful feeling of what I lacked. The women around me seemed pregnant. I saw people who abused children had birth children after their children. Children also had children. I want to literally hurt how frustrating they were during pregnancy when a woman complained to me about a child. My older sisters were doing little if they had children. My sister had a child. My niece gave birth to a child. Everyone had a child! Because my friends all had children, I moved to various stages of life. In turn, I made circles of people I was fitting, it has become much smaller.
That it became difficult is that such a lone trial. I did not know what one person I could go on could truly say they understood. I am not alone.
My husband and I received infertility treatment after treatment. You named it - we tried that, but probably it was 2-3 times. This costs thousands of dollars. We actually heard that the treatment was successful, and I heard twice that I am pregnant. Twice, they were what I call "false positives". We were not doing well in adopting two times. We fasted. Our family was fasted. We prayed. Our family prayed. Our name was added to the temple prayer roll. Still, there is no baby.
At some point I tried to negotiate with Heavenly Father to reverse this trial. I believed miracles and I got a miracle. I was convinced that I needed to do better. A spiritual lesson that I have not done right or need to study. Perhaps I thought that something might have happened from my past. I knew about us and needed to fix it! But when you tried to change yourself, negotiate with the Lord, doing everything I was going to do, the fact that we are childless did not change.
This struggle lasted almost nine years. In the meantime, I must be completely honest. My relationship with the Heavenly Father was affected. For many years, my prayers seemed to be unanswered. Soon, I lost the desire to pray in the same way. I found myself to be an angry person. I became increasingly humble and increasingly angry. My life was going in a direction I did not want. I especially remember that a woman came to me in a church on a Sunday. I was asked once again when we were planning to have children. I just told her that there is no plan for the Lord for us yet. Her reaction to me has been bothering me for a long time. She says that there are people who are not mothers, and because there are women who are not ready, she may not have become a mother, she said. This made me sick. truly! What? ! truly? ! What? The young 14 year old girl I saw last week was ready to be the mother of the child she was carrying.
I grabbed my husband by hand and left the building. When we came home, I went directly to the room and dropped myself on the floor. It was on the hardwood floor that my long-standing unanswered prayers actually believed that I was not loved or remembered by Heavenly Father. He did not know me. He could not care what I was, what I was doing. Clearly no one had heard, so my prayers must have jumped from their ceiling. When I actually realized this, I remember what I unexpectedly brought to my knee. I was praying for myself, but this time I am interested in something other than laying birth. I am simply "Do you love me, do you know that I am here, who am I?"
As soon as I asked this question, as soon as I asked this question, it was not happening in my life for the first time in my life and it means that it has not happened since prayer was answered soon I will. I was overwhelmed by the feelings of love, happiness, and peace. I said nothing in that prayer. I kneel down there. I did not want to leave that place! I am longing for the comfort and the feeling of peace. From that moment, I began to understand the gift of redemption. In Gethsemane, our Savior put our own pain, sorrow and illness on ourselves. When he suffered for all of our suffering he sweats the blood drops. Even my infertility. Before this answer to this prayer, I understand the Atonement and I know that he did what he did for the world. But now I know that he did what he did for me!
I knew that the Savior understood my pain for the gift of atonement. Because he knew about me, I did not have to feel alone. My understanding of my Savior's love has changed forever.
In my "healing stage", when I speak, I encountered Ensign, which was announced in 2005. Something Russell M. Nelson told me. He writes ...
"Sometimes I realize that some of the most enthusiastic prayers may seem like unanswered, why? I also know that prayers are not ignored.I feel suffering and pain He knows our progress and possibilities of immortality If we know his will and pray for obedience to it with patience and courage, healing of heaven will be done in his own way I can.
- Russell M. Nelson, "Jesus Christ - Master Healer", Ensign, November 2005
About a year after answering my prayers, we were blessed when we adopted with a beautiful son. Three and a half years later, we were blessed with a daughter who was adopted perfectly. They are long stories of their own. I do not know if it is a lesson I meant to learn to deeply understand this personal penance, to recognize that my Savior really knows me and I love me. But I know that I am loved. I know that something is worth. Indeed, there are many in the eyes of the Lord. I know that the Savior knows me by name.
I needed to know that my importance was not determined by the number of children I was blessed. I actually have to remember this. I am learning something I am not loved or fewer than those who will tell the eight children. M Russell Ballard once said, "Sadly, in today's world, the importance of a person is often judged by the size of the audience before he or she accomplishes.The role of father, mother, missionary, It is rare to receive the praise of standing, fathers, mothers, and missions are playing before very few people.Permanent importance - that is just ... "
People still say "When are you going to bring something else? Do you have another one?" To be honest, I have not yet asked questions yet, but it still hurts, we get another chance I am blessed, but I know that I am incredibly blessed to the two people I believe.
So, what I learned is here ... God has given us the answer to our problem, not by solving the problem. (I have not gone away yet), but by giving us the power to face them.
I feel now that through my life many opportunities taught me that God has been preserved and prepared for a unique call to me. That makes me special. It reminds me that he has not forgotten me - in fact it is entirely against. He remembered me and my strengths and weaknesses and saved me for something special. What? I had to completely change my way of thinking. I no longer can ask "why did this trial in the world, or what did I do to deserve this?" I started the idea of why I had to wait 9 years to get him. I am beginning to understand that I was prepared and preserved to raise this particular boy and this particular girl. which one.
I also knew that I should not judge other people's actions, options and judgments. To date we do not know that they are suffering.
One day last week my daughter was having a particularly bad morning. My son tapped her with a small plastic snake who knew what she feared and took full advantage of it. She fought, stop it! Stop! A few times before I decided to step in, I asked him. "Your son, do not you understand what part of STOP? His response was very interesting and you should not laugh."
When you see someone struggling, "Oh, in my case, please do not do that kind of thing than I do." I swear I'm waiting for a child 9 I thought that I would be a perfect mother for a year. But the boy, I was wrong.
You see my daughter was having such a rough morning. She did not need to kick her brother while she was collapsing.
Are not we hard enough for ourselves? Do we need to worry what other people are saying about us?
President Ukdorf said it very perfectly, so I will quote the word to him.
He said, "Stop it!
We simply stop judging others and replace judicious thinking and feelings with God and his child's love full of mind.
If I could focus on others, I learned it. It helps to forget my trial. You need to be there to remind others who are struggling both neither forgotten nor forgotten. Please do not judge them. Just love them. Mrs Birthday who sacrificed greatly for my son and daughter exceeded my understanding and hurt my heart. However, I had to struggle with opinions and judgment of others. I never feel that they have forgotten or to sacrifice as a matter of course. It is my job to help them not being forgotten.
Perhaps I have lost a loved one. He does not forget you.
You or one of your children may be an addict. He does not forget you.
It may be financially suffering or suffering from employment measures. He does not forget you.
You may feel alone. He does not forget you.
Maybe you are hurt or under abuse. He does not forget you.
You may get a divorce. He does not forget you.
Maybe it is a single woman who is pregnant. He does not forget you.
We are going to face trials. we are. Somewhat more difficult than others. Some will last longer than others. But the Savior is always there for us. He promised this. He dedicated his life for us! For me. For you. That means that we know that he remembers us.
